Tuesday, December 19, 2006

backstreet's back

The autonomous yet polyamorous pornography masterpiece is complete!

he-j and bill r are probably in the car over it right now.

meanwhile the big M and the little p are playing cat and mouse. the cat is winning but a has face that the mouse will prevail. he is scrappy that one.


P drinks the wine. Much wine. Bad nerves. Bad. P hates the no blogging rule.

a puts her foot down

a is not blogging until the end of porn. she hopes that will be soon.

for p's nerves she suggests tea, chamomile. he should come here. she will make him some.

as persons as persons,

An Apology to M

P is shocked at the Big M's appearance! M, please know that The Collective would have welcomed your guest-blogging and that the hacking was utterly unnecessary. We are honored to have you on the blog. After all, even though She-J and A are on a break, P will never break from the great mission of paternalism. As HLS' second tenured female professor, we are humbled by your intellect, and terrified by your testing. A alleged that He-J said you knew nothing about 1983, but P believes in your knowledge and defended your from the evil clerk of Bill R.



i shame the j's with my fortitude of intellectual rigeur (and liqueur for that matter)

i have hacked on to your little blog-o-sphere and i will not be denied my autonomous guest-blogging privileges as persons as persons.

once i was drunk and not wearing a bra, brennan and bill didnt do what i said so i told them to screw themselves. then congress did it for me.


a p.s. to p: in a's head the big m is an exact replica of incompetenceville's matron c.

Both their names start with "J"

And they are our guest-bloggers!

She-J: "He-J, do you consider yourself autonomous?"

He-J: "I consider myself autonomous because the Catholic church dictates my actions, and true autonomy comes only from G-d."

She-J: "Yes, but have you explored your autonomy in relation to the vibrations of your car?"

He-J: "Once. With the former Chief Justice."

She-J: "Brennan? I loved him. Like I love everyone. Polyamory!"

He-J: "Brennan? NEVER! He was opposed to vouchers. Vouchers define my existence. I am talking about Bill."

She-J: "Bill R? He is not autonomous. Too much tied to white picket fences, and the ACLU. I am on a break."

He-J: "A break from intellecual legitimacy? Funny, me too!"

Thanks so much to our guestbloggers. J-Squared, it was a pleasure to have you both. Now, just be good to the Collective in the upcoming 20 hours, and we will invite you back. And accord dignity as persons as persons.

Of Poor Spelling and Guest Blogging

Literacy would be refreshing, A: ". . . by that logic he should probably move to lubbock and start a cessesion movement."

Does she imply in above sentence that P should start a smoking "cessation" movement? Or perhaps a "secession" movement, like the rabble-rousing southerners?

P suddenly finds himself quite concerned about the impending deadline of A's paper.

Oh, and dear readers, get excited! The Collective is bringing a guest blogger to the site today!

Monday, December 18, 2006

of canadians and cotton

the collective is sorry to report that it does not support its neighbor to the north. this end of the collective does not like it because it is cold and they are all very pale. plus they let the gays get married so there's really not much left to do up there anymore in terms of making fun of the crazies. the other end of the collective is distasteful of their french heritage and i suppose probably of their lack of support for george w bush, but by that logic he should probably move to lubbock and start a cessesion movement.

the canadian, however, was quite right about the cotton and polyester! it tore right through. luckily a has couch cushions that can be turned upsidedown. and as for next time, well there's always duct tape. unless the canadian has something bad to tell us about duct tape next....

Live Free, Die, and Never Have a Cell Phone

P is suddenly quite curious after the New Hampshire law enforcement community. Are they opposed to (a) the US postal service (which would be quite in line with their anti-government politics) OR; (b) technological advances such as the phone of the celluar (which would be quite in line with their redneck politics).

P is also intrigued by Q's taste for cotton/polyester blend. What is it that Q did?

Finally, P shall have the fiesta of all holiday fiestas on Wednesday. There shall be wine, cider, Janet, Jim, and (most importantly) MARTHA!

o how we writhe

the pain, the pain, it is almost unbearable.

a is writing about the hegemonic matrix of domination, while p is looking over his reading glasses as he and martha discredit every third opinion of the supreme court.

meanwhile, the new member of the collective master q, developped a taste for cotton/polyester blend this afternoon which made a quite upset.

a meanwhile is once again lost in the technological wilderness, and has recently discovered that the law enforcement officials are holding hostage her cell phone until she returns to the great state of new hampshire. apparently they are getting desperate and lonely up there.

a hopes that p will be throwing a christmas party on wednesday to celebrate good cheer and his fine culinary mastery and the end to the pain for all persons as persons.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

The Painful Lives Of The Collective

In the past two weeks, pain has taken over the daily lives of the Collective. Pain controls for the following reasons:

1. No Cell Phones For Persons as Persons: A's cell phone has been seized by the law enforcement community of the state of New Hampshire. Live Free or Die (Unless you have Verizon).

2. The Law of The Nations: Destroyed P's will to live for some time. It is now over, but the scars remain.

3. Papers by Janet: Grrrrrrrr. We hate those papers.

4. Our Federalism: Though P thinks Martha is wonderful, he has ulcers due to her test.

5. Our Education: A lover of William Rehnquist and vouchers has imposed a horrible event upon A. It ends Wednesday, but it shall be awful.

HOWEVER! One beautiful thing alleviates a great deal of the pain, and his name starts with Q. We thought that he would be the mentee of C-Dog, but we quickly realized that he would become The Mentor. One more member of the Collective, bringing the total to four.


Monday, October 02, 2006

a has an incompetent trial tomorrow.

a goes to court tomorrow with the REAL queen of the incompetents, and the most competent woman alive. then a's work in the land of the incompetents will be done (stop hyperventaliting p, you knew it was time!) a wants to move to the beach and learn to surf. not move to the beach and wallow in perpetual pain, which is what happens when she attempts to 'write' things without p's guidance.

the life of the conspiracy

p is conspiring against a.
it is because of his sexual frustriae.
if he would just recognize
a's innosence of sexicide
all would be better
for now and forever
and the collective could frollic away

Hating A -- We All Should.

Reasons (Abbreviated) That P Hates A:

1. She lies. "Sexual Relations," my ass.

2. She cheats. NAPSTER was theft my friends - any of you who engaged in the endeavor are THIEVES!

3. She steals. My soul.

4. She does not do my laundry. Not once.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

The Life Of The Running

The running is a terrible thing,
To which A continues to cling.
P began the silly pursuit,
But it is already moot.
C, the dog, likes it fine,
But no more than walking a line.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

A New Career For A

P believes that A has begun to pursue a new career path: namely, one of the outdoors. There appears to be a great deal of the outside in A's life recently. For example, today she picked apples (i.e. paid cold hard cash to do manual labor) and frolicked on a trapeze. Soon, she is going hunting. Seriously. Hunting. A. Hunting. No one is safe in the Arctic, that is for sure (especially oversized ducks).

P, meanwhile and as usual, has nothing to do with the outdoors. He enjoys the Law and the Order on TV, the coffee, the bars, the office of incompetents, and occasionally the Cambridge Common's Caesar Salad.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

the life without p (and with animal planet)

after considering life with the gays
an epiphany has come to a
she will live in manilla
and raise a gorilla
and be happy the rest of her days.

then p will be rid of a's tedum
he shall conquer all countries for freedom.
the world of the facists
will come to the masses
and the children will line up to greet 'um

The Life Of The Keys

While A was sitting the dog,
And forgetting all about the blog,
She went outside
The keys she did hide.

So the keys were lost,
($6.50 they did cost!)
And P hated A
All the live-long day.

(This is the story of The Collective's past 72 hours. Shame on A.)

And As For P

He is currently hating everyone, which is quite unusual for him (please see blog description above). Despite his current contentedness about The Life Of The Employment, he accords no respect to anyone as persons as persons, even A. He would love A (and thus accord her the appropriate dignity an autonomous individual deserves) but she refuses to go out on a special quest with him this evening, involving beer and people wearing Prada. Why does she refuse? Because she has an appointment with Mitt Romney. Why does she have an appointment with Mitt Romney? Well, naturally she has contacted Mitt and solicited his support in her polyamorous quest, now that Mr. Jeffs has been detained by the High Lord Of Utahian Justice. Mitt, a bit skeptical, only agreed to meet with A to show his "tolerance" and "interest in bipartisanship."

Meanwhile, in other news, Bob refuses to appreciate P's poetry with the posting of many laudatory comments about his rhyming.

In other other news, The Collective has a new favorite person in the world of the incompetents. The young lady apparently likes to run (and thus A loves her) and she also seems quite competent (and thus P loves her). They applaud her running competence, and hope that she disdains The Mitt as much as they do.

and as for a:

she needs to decide between the following life-plan options:

1. devote her life to complete and utter uselessness.

2. work around the clock for a branch of the man entitled "you are the man, but we are giving you a warm and fuzzy title so as to make us feel better and you feel better."

3. indulge herself in the writing of treatises about the gays that will only be read by the gay scholars.

4. go on a spirit quest walk-about in the out back and never return.

people who love p:

1. the hands of justice. p's irreverency and nepotism have earned him a spot as the lord high chief justice of next year.

2. bob, despite the fact that he never displayed any gratitude for p's poetic genius. bob is still in the shock and awe phase of his appreciation for p's life-day poetry and may be able to respond in the future.

3. his flock. they missed him.