Saturday, September 30, 2006

A New Career For A

P believes that A has begun to pursue a new career path: namely, one of the outdoors. There appears to be a great deal of the outside in A's life recently. For example, today she picked apples (i.e. paid cold hard cash to do manual labor) and frolicked on a trapeze. Soon, she is going hunting. Seriously. Hunting. A. Hunting. No one is safe in the Arctic, that is for sure (especially oversized ducks).

P, meanwhile and as usual, has nothing to do with the outdoors. He enjoys the Law and the Order on TV, the coffee, the bars, the office of incompetents, and occasionally the Cambridge Common's Caesar Salad.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

the life without p (and with animal planet)

after considering life with the gays
an epiphany has come to a
she will live in manilla
and raise a gorilla
and be happy the rest of her days.

then p will be rid of a's tedum
he shall conquer all countries for freedom.
the world of the facists
will come to the masses
and the children will line up to greet 'um

The Life Of The Keys

While A was sitting the dog,
And forgetting all about the blog,
She went outside
The keys she did hide.

So the keys were lost,
($6.50 they did cost!)
And P hated A
All the live-long day.

(This is the story of The Collective's past 72 hours. Shame on A.)

And As For P

He is currently hating everyone, which is quite unusual for him (please see blog description above). Despite his current contentedness about The Life Of The Employment, he accords no respect to anyone as persons as persons, even A. He would love A (and thus accord her the appropriate dignity an autonomous individual deserves) but she refuses to go out on a special quest with him this evening, involving beer and people wearing Prada. Why does she refuse? Because she has an appointment with Mitt Romney. Why does she have an appointment with Mitt Romney? Well, naturally she has contacted Mitt and solicited his support in her polyamorous quest, now that Mr. Jeffs has been detained by the High Lord Of Utahian Justice. Mitt, a bit skeptical, only agreed to meet with A to show his "tolerance" and "interest in bipartisanship."

Meanwhile, in other news, Bob refuses to appreciate P's poetry with the posting of many laudatory comments about his rhyming.

In other other news, The Collective has a new favorite person in the world of the incompetents. The young lady apparently likes to run (and thus A loves her) and she also seems quite competent (and thus P loves her). They applaud her running competence, and hope that she disdains The Mitt as much as they do.

and as for a:

she needs to decide between the following life-plan options:

1. devote her life to complete and utter uselessness.

2. work around the clock for a branch of the man entitled "you are the man, but we are giving you a warm and fuzzy title so as to make us feel better and you feel better."

3. indulge herself in the writing of treatises about the gays that will only be read by the gay scholars.

4. go on a spirit quest walk-about in the out back and never return.

people who love p:

1. the hands of justice. p's irreverency and nepotism have earned him a spot as the lord high chief justice of next year.

2. bob, despite the fact that he never displayed any gratitude for p's poetic genius. bob is still in the shock and awe phase of his appreciation for p's life-day poetry and may be able to respond in the future.

3. his flock. they missed him.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

take the blue pill!

why would anyone ever take the red?

except of course p. but you should not trust the boy with the electrical cords in his mouth.

No Love For His Poetry

P got no love from A for his poetry. Which makes him sad. And thus in need of the Electrocuting Gum. And thus in need of a discussion of the HALTT Thesis Of The Gum Chewing's Replacement Activity. (HALTT by the way, stands for HUNGRY ANGRY LONELY TIRED THIRSTY! It is the motto of the gum company, or some such entity.)

Most importantly, did anyone watch Meet the Press this AM? The Virginia Senate race is weird -- it's like: "Who Is Less Racist? We Should Elect That Person, I Suppose."

P accords no dignity to The Waiters As Persons As Persons.

of blogging and cheesecake

p is kind of a binge-blogger, apparently. we should all join together to help him achieve a better blogging balance in his life. that and the gum: we should join together in support of the electric-wire gum.

a and p had an exploratory yuppie morning, but apparently were not high enough quality to attain the respect of the yuppie service staff establishment. indeed, the collective was treated like a small leper colony stranded in a sea of lunch-sized salads and frozen drinks, both fruity and coffee in flavor.

still, the collective perservered. and celebrated the sunshine, the overpriced tv shows, and, as always, their complete lack of autonomy as persons as persons.

and last but not least a would like to draw attention to the keylime cheesecake. let us all toast to the cheesecake and its portending (portension? portensiousness? (some help here pinkopunko?)) of p's great success.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Politics And The Basketball, Always Banned.

P still despises A, currently for her ban on discussion of politics and basketball. P would like to write about the recent primary election in Maryland, and the upcoming primary in the Arctic. However, P knows that A would emotionally abuse him if he talked about those things.

Moreover, P would like to have a diatribe about basketball. About Missouri, and UNC, and Roy, and Kansas State, and Bradley, and Bucknell, and stupid stupid Bruce Weber. However, P knows that A would protest such a diatribe via much mocking.

A Poem About The Birth Of Life

There once was a boy named Bob
Who loved the corn on the cob.
His birthday was today
And The Collective would like to say:

FELIZ NAVIDAD!

A Poem About The Life Of Employment

There once was a lady named A,
And she wanted to go and to play,
With a certain special chick
Who helped the gays click
in holy matrimony.

So she must email the chick
And then make the chick pick
Her for a job
And with happiness sob.

But if she keeps being so lazy,
And so inexplicably crazy,
The lady will think of another
Perhaps even Mitt Romney's brother!

The Unhappiness Of The Life Of Gum

P is extremely unhappy, and A is not comforting him. He has began a long and terrible process, involving gum, hating everyone, and violent outbursts. He is going on 17 hours, and it is the worst experience of his life. And still, A is nowhere to be found.

Meanwhile, on the newfangled television in P's cave, he is watching trashy america's-most-wanted-esque shows on Court TV. This is only because there is no more law and order on, and the aforementioned gum makes him immobile.

Hating A,
P

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

we blog! (at least one of us does)

a apologizes for p, and his lack of blogging prowess. it is because 1. he is in the middle of a long slow death by the cancer stick. 2. he is stressed because the hands of justice will be ruling on his worthiness tomorrow between 12 and 4 pm. 3. he is is the great grand czar this year, and the power maay have gone to his head.

but do not fear. a will never falter (except while wearing heels) and she will never fail (except while "reading", "writing" or "thinking".)

yes, dear readers, a is hear to answer your queries and respond to your concerns. she is a 24 hour blogging hotline of sorts. she also has the tivo now, which means she is available for constant commentary on all reality television shows and lifetime original movies as requested.

special shouts out to:

pinko punko - you know you can't stay away. the collective (at least this half) will tirelessly work to regain your trust.

the wizard of the summer - i would like to add lots of healthy things to the communal list. and then eat only ice cream for the week. also i am in baseball mourning but otherwise would be on a plane right now. also COMMENT ON MY BLOG and you will hear back from me.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

THE RULES

p has forgotten some of the rules of blogging over this the summer of blogging illegitimacy and irresponsibility. a will take a moment to refresh:

1. always name your blog post. while the concepts and imagry of r,w,&p are delicious and wonderful, that name should only be put on blog posts that are of stellar quality and life-changing import.

2. always include something offensive to the christians, beyond just a mention of polyamory. at least include some gay sex or a gentle ribbing of pat robertson. (preferably a mention of pat robertson having the gay sex)

3. always include something offensive to the liberals. while the nantucket red comes close in most parts of the country, it does not suffice in the haven of liberal snobbery where a & p abide and the poloshopping masses assail the administration on behalf of the poor and the middleclass while staying far far away from anyone who has ever taken the bus and/or recycled cans for the monetary rather than environmental value.

4. end every blog post with a pathetic plea for comments and/or love and/or attention.

and with that, dear readers, please comment on us, love us and attend to us. amen.

A Lives!

The AP Collective has returned to the land of cold and no salt-and-vinegar. In light of said return, the Collective has reinstituted regular blogging. A, the inferior member of the Collective, informs P that he has no blogging legitimacy. P strongly disagrees, and contends that as a result of the arrest of Warren Jeffs, that terrible man of oppression, The Collective can return to its job as the preeminent evangelists of polyamory.

The summer-of-no-blogging was a terrible one for all parties to the Collective. A was nearly fired from her position as a Corporate Executive (due mostly to her concubine-like appearance) and P nearly dropped out of law school in order to pursue his dream of wearing nantucket red pants 7 days a week throughout various bars of the Georgetown area. However, in the end, both finished their employment successfully, and P returned to executively direct the land of the incompetents. A, meanwhile, returned to settle the lawsuit of the Incompetent.

In conclusion, The Collective returns better (and more offensive) than ever.