Tuesday, January 31, 2006

24 was badass last night. I am dying to know who is going to come back next week (from Scenes from the Next). I think it might be Cherry Palmer...which would be awesome. See, I have always said that she never died when she was shot. Or it could be Nina...hell, Jack faked his death - why can't she?? We shall find out next week.

The Collective Vacation (all 36 hours of it) was great. The Collective skiied, drank wine, drank non-alcoholic beer, vomited (not from the wine...and not from the non-alcoholic beer), and hung out with extreme skiiers. The extreme skiiers are cool. The Collective's association with them makes the Collective cool.

Justice Alito, Welcome to the Court.

Monday, January 30, 2006

lessons of the weekend:

1. vacations are fun! (who knew?!)

2. a & p have a penchant for meeting friendly foreign people while traveling up the sides of mountains.

3. a has a penchant for nearly dying and therefore scaring p half to death.

4. technology continues to have a penchant for exploding at inconvenient times. especially when it is vomited upon (as is the case with a's phone).

4(a). # 4 is proof of the vast anti-polyamoroust conspiracy against the collective.

5. a is basically an extreme skiier, and p is basically a race car driver.

6. c is the most beautiful creature on the face of the planet.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Silly Students, Dignity is for Republicans!

After a semester of pounding it into their heads, one student remembered -- alas, only one.

THE EQUAL BASIC LIBERTY PRINCIPLE AND THE DIFFERENCE PRINCIPLE ARE NOT THE WHOLE KITANDCABOODLE. RAWLS HAS A THIRD PRINCIPLE; IN FACT, IT IS PRIOR IN ORDER TO THE DIFFERENCE PRINCIPLE. PAY ATTENTION TO IT -- EQUAL OPPORTUNITY PRINCIPLE.

I said the above approximately 18 times a class. And one student heard me. A for him.

To the rest of you...dignity, I suppose.

Vacation Begins at 6PM!

1. P has 3 (count 'em, three!) undergraduate exams left to grade before he retires (permanently) from teaching. If he has to read any more babbling crap about Kant, Rawls, and Aristotle from Biology majors, he will go postal.

2. There is such a thing as vacation. The Collective is going on vacation (together!) today. Or, rather, tonight. But they are going skiing in the Arctic, with The Mormon Governor and Howard Dean -- what a trip!

3. P needs a PA -- personal assistant -- today. P thinks The Collective should join together (i.e. A should be today's PA). But A is nowhere to be found. Sad P.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

lessons of the week:

1. doctors dont take well to writing joint prescriptions to co-dependent people (just one of the many instances of discrimination that the a-p collective faces for their lifestyle choices)

2. non-english-speaking people don't generally read in english either.

3. evil excel spreadsheets are trying to take over p's life.

4. there is no such thing as "vacation."

Monday, January 23, 2006

Weird NYT Throwaway Lines

On NY's future Lt. Governor (i.e. Spitzer's choice):

"Mr. Paterson, 51, also has a personal history that may intrigue voters: He is legally blind, born with no sight in his left eye and severely limited vision in his right. . . . He has also become a master of legislative politics DESPITE BEING UNABLE TO READ THE BODY LANGUAGE OF HIS RIVALS, an art form in Albany."

why a is not done:

1. because she had to take some time to fume about p's breaking of her rule about states below mason-dixon and west of the mississippi.

2. because it takes a long time to create a timeless masterpiece. ask walt.

P wonders...

Why the hell A is not done with "The Gays 101" final exam yet?

P thinks...

He is being stalked, by Maber.

P did not even know that Maber had a blog, and now Maber is yelling at the Collective for speaking in tongue.

P thinks that Maber needs to call him, so P can rant about Kansas and rave about Carolina's loss...

and speaking of identifiably liberal...

a wonders if p has seen this mornings local newspaper column written by their spritely soon-to-be professor of the founding fathers?

Lawyers for a Summer

P is pouring through applications from the world's do-gooders. They are all liberal. Sigh.

Why can't there be more ideologically-undefinable individuals out there????

a cannot stop staring at the snow

she would like to hear tales of the anger, insanity and passive-aggressiveness that p faces. especially since she thinks they would help her hone her comprehensive treatise on the need for rampant sex. (passive-aggressiveness obviously being a result of sexual repression.)

she would also like a visit from the a&w fairy.

Snowing Like Hell...

P has become absorbed in Excel spreadsheets. He is trying to accomplish the task of scheduling 32 people for one hour a piece into 40 hours -- such a task is mathematically impossible, P thinks.

much progress

a will excuse the boy for his insubordination since he is from the southland, and probably was confused about the difference between new england and alaska. incidentally, the southland (at least the bible-thumping parts) are hereby banished to alaska.

meanwhile, a is currently making a very coherent argument that all people should fulfill their true destinies of rampant sex. like bonobos. (pinko, could you google and spellcheck that for me?)

A Must Get To Work

Or P fears she will fail "The Gays 101."

P is working at Incompentenceville today, in his first psuedo-official day as the new Czar. Things are collapsing as he writes -- angry people, insane clients, and passive-aggressiveness reign.

The Boy does wear UGG boots. Despicable.

a needs help. (admitting you need help is the first step, right?)

a has self-diagnosed herself with ADD. it is unfortunate that she waited until she was one hour in to a eight hour examination that she has done that. also unfortunate that she spent the aforementioned hour reading the a-p blog in its entirety and researching ADD.

ok, with or without ritalin, it is TO WORK!

Sunday, January 22, 2006

a's grr's

a grrs about being expected to "work" and "learn" and about the fact that napping, which she has just spent the last two hours doing, does not count as either "working" or "learning".

she also ammends her statement about people who wear uggs. only people who wear the ridiculously high, ridiculously thick boot-types with tassles that flap all around are banned to alaska. unless of course the individual in question is native american and fashioned them himself with the deerhide he recently acquired. in which case they are not really uggs at all, but rather kick-ass native american hunting boots.

(to the boy: does that render you safe from exile?)

2 Things To Grr About

1. The medicine P is on does not allow him to drink alcohol for 2 weeks. Awful. Arguably worse, the medicine makes P eat 3 meals a day. P likes to drink and does not particularly like to eat. P does not like this medicine.

2. 24 is only on once a week...which means there is not enough Jack Bauer to go around...

Saturday, January 21, 2006

a is hard at work

a has an examination on monday that involves learning things about the constitution. after much studiousness, she has decided that the constitution, like science and biology, is a bunch of shit and should be accorded no dignity.

this may be the first time that she and the bush administration have ever agreed about anything. ever. actually, she agrees them about drilling in alaska too. mostly because alaska is too cold for her. she thinks we should move all the factories there too. and the mormons. and people who wear ugs. and all the feta cheese.

happy happy day

a's baby is back. after a long and arduous journey, the little bundle of joy (or wires and plastic if you want to be literal about it) has arrived. it is as beautiful as she remembers. the czarstress will spend the morning cuddling with it. in addition to being a domestic diva, a is quite a nurturer.

the czar will spend his morning recovering from the abramoff cult. he is in the twitching/frothing at the mouth stage of recovery. it's not pretty, but he is slowly coming out of his gop-money induced stupor. as an additional obstacle, p must recover from his lack-of-beer hangover. he has an evil doctor who is not only unacceptably unreachable at 2 o'clock in the morning, but also has saddled him with a horrid concoction that would make him violently ill should he resume his functional alcoholism.

later they will plot their take-over of the universe (otherwise known as "scheduling".) this will of course involve lots of scribbling, wild gesticulations, and cackling. stay tuned.

The End of Abramoff 101

P has ended his nightmarish course that has absorbed the last three weeks of his life and temporarily terminated his dedication to the blogosphere. In his final test in the course, he prosecuted a murder trial. The defendant was acquitted on 1st and 2nd degree murder charges as well as on manslaughter.

Sigh...another thug goes free.

Meanwhile, P (in his role as Czar) must spend the day scheduling the lives of 30+ individuals for the next 4 months. A is one of those individuals whose life P must schedule...but P thinks that A will have a say in the decisions made.

P is quite happy with the Iraqi election results. He loves to see this burgeoning democracy in the heart of the middle east. Let human rights, purple thumbs, and American military occupation reign.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

a's appendix

(no, not the useless organ, the other kind)

1. a would like some credit for coaxing p from the jaws of the abramoff cult. it was close, too close. it was only through her heroic stunts, including the milk-drinking extravaganza, that she was able to bring p out. now she will nurse him back to health. she continues to demand congressional investigation and cannot begin to understand why her demands have not been met. ted kennedy where are you!?

2. of course it is only because of the man with the sunglasses listens to pink floyd and doing large amounts of drugs that he was able to see through the right-wing cover of the a-p treatise to the radical left-wing propaganda that it actually contained (when read backwards and upside-down). she thinks that the mozart-listening pipe-smoking (no, not that kind) tweed-wearing readership of the yale law journal cannot appreciate the true genius of their work. she therefore suggests another publication: journal of the beatnick hippies, for example. perhaps she could bribe them with the a-p paper for the return of a's computer, which they are apparently using to spread the word about sticking it to the man. long live la revelucion! (no, pinko, you cannot attack my spelling in EITHER spanish or english. or spanglish for that matter. or cantonese).

much love and dignity to all. good night.

WE ARE BACK! Apologies and Dignity

There is much explaining to do. Many things will be explained later, but here are some brief thoughts:

1. A has been AWOL because she drank a gallon of milk in one hour. (This is biologically impossible.) A accomplished the medical impossibility and did not throw up -- proving P's longstanding belief that doctors and science are all a bunch of shit.

2. P has been enrolled in the aforementioned Abramoff Cult for the last 3 weeks. It ends tomorrow, with a demonstration of how to lie before a grand jury and then plead guilty and take down the GOP establishment with you. He will return to blogging -- and in full force -- tomorrow or Saturday.

3. A's computer is still dead-dead. It was supposed to be returned by the Beatniks of Apple some 3 weeks ago, but it has not.

4. P has been otherwise preoccupied as well -- the basketball fiascos (banned from conversation), The Boy, TIVO-ed CSpan segments of the Alito hearings, and The Abramoff.

5. Finally, do our loyal readers remember the Treatise written so psychotically after New Years? We know one reader, Walt Whitman, certainly remembers those days. Well, A&P wrote one hell of a paper -- if insanely right wing, radical, and paternalistic. They got their (excellent) grade back today. P is pushing that the Treatise be published, ideally in The Yale Law Journal. Stanford Law Review contacted The Collective about publication today, but we are holding out for something better.

We know that we have been missed, and we promise that our long absence will be made up for shortly. But please know, above all, that we still accord dignity to you all, as person as persons. And we still accord dignity to blogging -- as blogging as blogging.

--The Czar and the Czarina

Monday, January 09, 2006

The Czar Speaks

As A has nicely pointed out, P has been elected Czar of "Incompetenceville" -- the only place that would ever be foolish enough to elect P Czar. His first exercise of his powers came in his decision to skip the last two hours of Jack Abramoff's cult course.

(NB: P also gave his first competent cross-examination today: "Mr. Simmons, on your direct examination, you said your wife was, quote, 'a severe alcoholic who poses a danger to [the child].' You left your wife and the child in October. Did you file for custody in October?" "No." "In November?" "No." "December?" "No." "January?" "No." "February." "No." etc until August)

Now, P sits at home with the puppy, drinking a beer, blogging. Happiness reigns across the Collective.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

hereye hereye

let it be known throughout the land: p is the new czar of incompetenceville. which makes a the czaress. or the czarlette, depending on what shes going for on that particular day. as p's first official act, he went drinking with his loyal subjects. as a's first official act she ran away to the supermarket. this demonstrates p's alcoholism and a's antisociality and love of supermarket checkout lines, as well as the game show "supermarket sweep". as p's second official act he will probably announce that all heterosexual men are henceforth presumed guilty of abusing all women, elderly people and puppy dogs that they come into contact with unless they can provide positive proof to the contrary.

oh, and a and p have decided to contract for a baby boy of african-american descent. this will of course involve the ousting of the current czar of the basement, but p is on a roll, what can't he do?

a new czar shall reign

a would first of all like to point out that p has already broken a's rule number 2 from her last post. if she sees the names of any states west of the mississippi or the mysterious words "rock chalk" again in this blog she will probably throw a tempertantrum. blogging tempertantrums are ugly ugly things. she hopes that dignity can be restored within the collective, and she will not have to resort to such ugliness.

a, however, will forgive p this once for straying from the path of collective righteousness because of the stress he is under due to the aforementioned election of the new czar of incompetenceville (as a and p lovingly refer to it).

everyone is incompetent in this land in some way or another: a cannot fill out pink slips nor write the simplest of documents, nor put papers in a mysterious thing known as a "file.". p refuses to leave the land he loves and voluntarily takes on every task that he comes across so that he cannot do such things as accompany a on a much needed vacation. others have other incompetencies, for example: the castro-loving commie who does not seem to wash his hair nor store information in his brain; and of course the lovely young woman who has apparently never learned what a phone is, nevermind how someone would attempt to answer it. a and p hold a special place in their large polyamourous hearts for incompetenceville, a land where all are accorded peace and dignity (except of course for the domestic violence victims, who are afforded peace, but clearly no dignity (as explained below)).

P's Nervousness

After a fruitful weekend of drinking, playing with the puppy, celebrating KU's victory over Kentucky, and seeing The Boy, P has a stressful Sunday ahead of him.

See, A&P work together (doing their life's work, as previously discussed) at a small organization that is run by a bunch of unqualified students like themselves.

Now, today marks an important transitional period for this organization -- the elections for new leadership. These elections are as important, for example, as the upcoming ones in Israel. (Thankfully, the current "Prime Minister" of this organization is not having severe bleeding from the head, however.)

P is running for a position that he likes to think of as "Czar." P will know in several hours whether or not he wins this election. P is nervous. P has to give a speech. And answer questions about strange pink slips that A is incapable of filling out.

Nervousness reigns in the world of the Collective -- send positive vibes our way at about 6:40PM.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

setting the record straight

a is back, a fact that can be authenticated by the lack of capital letters. p briefly thought she hasd decided to abandon her calling as a blogger extraordinaire in order to sell trinkets to tourists in the great state of maine where there is lots of snow and no minorities. indeed, she did think about making such a move, but ultimately could not abandon her adoring and avowed fans. now, she would like to set some things straight as to the content of this blog:

1. katherine harris is the devils spawn. and in addition is an idiot. and in addition looks like a deformed parakeet. she deserves no dignity. a once had the opportunity to meet with her about the fate of the children (who p claims to have some sympathy for). kh stared vacantly for some time with a botox-induced smirk and then barked the words "nest egg" over and over again for the rest of the meeting, which apparently had something to do with taking away all funding for children's programs and devoting them to tax breaks for the poor rich people. a thinks that perhaps it was more because of her obsession with both nests and eggs in conformity with her true form as a devils-spawn-parakeet, which she surely turns into after dark.

2. all college sports conversations are hereby banned from the a-p collective website until further notice. though a knows this will upset many, including p, she hereby threatens to start blogging incessently about the outcome of reality television shows and teen dramas on the wb should any such conversations continue. she opens the door, however, to posts about little league or peewee hockey, both of which she finds much more interesting.

Friday, January 06, 2006

I hope Jack Abramoff tells about Bruce Weber's crimes...Illinois 60, Michigan State 50. Kill me.

Kansas-Kentucky on Saturday...that is all I have left to live for. Rock Chalk.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

P's Quick Dealing With James

1. "Lubbuck" is not a place as far as I know. "Lubbock," Texas, however, is.
a. Learn to spell.
b. Bobby Knight is King of Lubbock and probably loves the gays.
c. Provo, Utah need not be discussed, as it is filled with those who are not accorded dignity.

3. I do not have a gambling problem. It is all lies, statistics, etc.

4. Anderson Cooper is the Ann Coulter of the moderates: stupid, babbling, and hot.

5. Katherine Harris is gorgeous. She should eat a sandwich, but she's hot.

6. Jack Abramoff is being smeared by the liberal media. (Notice that I cannot say the term "liberal media" with a straight face.)

finally, P accords much dignity to James' Seinfeld reference and his Inspector Gadget reference. Thanks, Penny.

"ARE NOT OFTEN FOUND IN WASHINGTON DC!"

A's Absence

Is due to severe technology issues. Her computer is dead. Dead-dead, much like Ariel S is likely to be shortly (sigh...).

She will return, with gusto, tomorrow. Our apologies.

P is still in the cult-class (allegedly funded by J. Abramoff), and it is taking over his life.

Nevertheless, he remains dedicated to out-heteroing the heteros (to paraphrase James' comment). It is a sad day when a bunch of the gays (Anderson Cooper excepted) can out-talk and out-bet a bunch of the straights on sports...And, as we know, Yosef clearly knows nothing about sports since he is a fan of the ACC (as often discussed by this point, a terrible league and a former communist organization that has, in the last 4 years, been taken over by Al-Qaeda).

Rock chalk.

To James, To Izzo.

One further note: Michigan State-Illinois tonight. P HATES Illinois (particularly Bruce Weber), and has money on Michigan St. (NB: As a general rule, P hates Tom Izzo, a nasty man, as well. However, he feels good about this game and, also, hates Bruce Weber a lot, second only to Roy Williams - i.e. Satan.)

Now, on to James' attempted defense of his attacks.

1. P's GOP does not hate his life choices, except in election years.
2. James has the bronch and has it bad. P thinks he is on his last legs, much like Ariel S. (Peace be with you, Ariel.)
3. James thinks that P has a gambling problem. This is not true, and fallacious (a new favorite word of P's).
4. James analogized himself to Anderson Cooper. Several points here:
a. This certainly supports P's claim of James' descent into failure and homsexuality, since Cooper is the King of the Gays.
b. Anderson Cooper is an idiot. If I see him breathing heavily into the microphone while telling me about another natural disaster, I will start watching MSNBC.
c. Political moderates blow. BLOW. Have some guts, believe something radical. If I was a Democrat, I'd be a Dean guy.
5. Katherine Harris is an attractive and intelligent public servant.
6. Jack Abramoff is an American hero.

Monkey's Brains, While Common In Cantonese Cuisine...

Probation? My name should be shouted across the land. After all, my boys (KU) handled Yale+18.5 and THEN SOME. Then my prediction (and bet!) came through BIG (and a little bit in the clutch)....HOOK 'EM HORNS (and everyone who, like P, took Texas W/O the points, straight up, and made some good $$ last night)!

Now, as to your wonderfully generous proposal re: blogrolling. A&P will discuss it today. P doesn't mind being on probation (in fact, he kind of likes it). However, A&P are remarkably incompetent with computers and the amount of time that it might take to figure out how to post to your blog...well, our life's work might suffer as a result.

I stand by my assertion that the ACC is a terrorist organization. Anyone who supports the conference should be eavesdropped upon without judicial authorization. As punishment, they should be made to listen to audiotapes of Bill Frist giving one of his excrutiating speeches on the Senate floor...

***Dignity should also be accorded to THE BOY, as boys as boys, even though he has not posted recently. He is a recent graduate of the University of Texas, a proud Longhorn, and someone who puts up with P's shit.***

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

P Has Returned From The Day's Hell

P is the former philosophy major (now law student) who hates the law and will be returning (sigh) to his fate (academia) shortly.

All of which means that P will end up working for some crazy think tank (read: Heritage Foundation, a former place of employment) because no legitimate academic institution would hire someone of P's radically conservative, hawkish views.

There has been a bit of revolt in the Collective's world: both against them as a unit and (apparenly) between them. P is on the defensive from attacks by James, Mormons, Pinko Punko, and (most sadly) A.

STRIKE THAT, COUNSEL! A has been supportive of P in his time of need. Will blog shortly; Rose Bowl and KU game calls.

beware the wrath of p

p is on the warpath today. that is because he has been criticized by some nit-wit* who does not recognize his superior skills as an advocate (or a blogger for that matter). some people just fail to see creative genius when it smacks them across the face. beware not affording dignity to any member of the collective! in any case, james may get his wish as a result, as p is currently considering an alternate career in the biological sciences.

in addition, p continues to be sucked into the evil cult, and today could not even partake in his favorite meal, which is both very spicy AND very special. a thinks that \jack abramoff is somehow involved in funding said cult, and demands an immediate congressional investigation.

a, meanwhile, has been appointed to a very official role today which seems to mostly involve sitting in a chair and surfing the internet. both very official activities, apparently

* note that a has immunized herself against all spell-check attacks by pinko and his ilk

Oh, and one more thing!

WHEN THE HELL DID WE ACCORD DIGNITY TO MORMONS?

Opening Salvo Against You All

P's tired of the bitching.

P thinks that James and his bronch should move to a tourist trap town in Florida, live with a bunch of alcoholics, and begin his descent to failure and homosexuality.

P thinks that Pinko Punko is according no respect to A&P as persons as persons. That is a dangerous undertaking.

P thinks A is insane, and trying to convince herself that she did not sign her name to a right-wing manifesto that (essentially) stands for the proposition that women should not leave the home.

P thinks that Jack Abramoff is a dangerous loose cannon, and worries about the $50,000 in Marriot Reward Points that he once received from one J. Abram in exchange for his endorsement of the Federal Marriage Amendment...

P thinks Kansas plays Yale in basketball tonight. P thinks that game will be more interesting than the Rose Bowl which (PREDICTION) will be a solid TEXAS victory, despite the 7 point spread in favor of USC. P has some $$$ on Texas straight up...a seemingly dangerous undertaking (like not according respect to A&P as persons as persons) but nevertheless a potentially profitable one.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

breathe a sigh of relief.

the treatise has been laid to rest in the grand treatise graveyard in the sky, full of sunglasses in december. p claims that it is a right-wing minifesto, but, dear readers, when read backwards the treatise is for polyamory what marx was for communism. p did not know that a had such a talent for writing backwards. she does: writing backwards, touching her tongue to her nose, eating whole jalepeno peppers and looking quite fashionable in every sort of hat are all included in a's unto-now undisclosed talents.

a spent the evening being told by her mother that her lifes goals are all futile and meaningless. meanwhile p is engaged in some sort of evil cult. no, it is not the collective, it is another cult that involves initiation by public shame and ridicule and mandated buffet dinners designed to strip cult-members of their culinary individuality. a hopes he will escape soon.

and lets stop the complaining about the repeat posts and all just admit that it was so brilliant it is worth reading twice.

Monday, January 02, 2006

P's Concerns

P was close. Damn close. So close he could taste success.

Alas, he thinks he might have been caught. It seems that, at some point yesterday evening, A began to fathom just what The Collective was arguing in their most recent publication.

See, let's take you back a few months. To begin with, there was a man with sunglasses. In October. At 7PM. Inside. But that man has already been discussed.

Nevertheless, the Sunglasses Man assigned some sort of silly academic nonsense; The Collective, as usual, ignored such assignments. When the due date for the synopsis came along, The Collective came together, decided to write in conjunction, and came up with some sort of vague topic about the domestic violence victims.

Over the course of the next month or so, P would occasionally joke (oh-so-casually) about the topic of their paper...slowly making the thesis more and more radical. P believes that A came, again slowly, to view the paper in a progressively more non-progressive manner.

So everything was functioning as it was supposed to; until last night, when (by unwisely praising the laws of Montana) P was exposed. P had forced A into an argument much more psychotic than initially agreed upon! Suddenly they were taking away benefits from women unless they signed an agreement acknowledging their incompetence and ceding all their rights to the Mormons? What!?!

Despite A's realizations and anger, P believes he may still succeed. After all, A wants to be done with the paper (remember: she hates reading and philosophical ramblings). A wants to be done badly. So the current 65 pages will either have to be re-written by Tuesday AM, or A will sign on to the current version of the paper, including P's radical ramblings.

Fingers crossed that she submits (as women are prone to do); if so, all her left-wing and/or feminist legitimacy will be gone in one fell swoop.

Ha!

P's Concerns

P was close. Damn close. So close he could taste success.

Alas, he thinks he might have been caught. It seems that, at some point yesterday evening, A began to fathom just what The Collective was arguing in their most recent publication.

See, let's take you back a few months. To begin with, there was a man with sunglasses. In October. At 7PM. Inside. But that man has already been discussed.

Nevertheless, the Sunglasses Man assigned some sort of silly academic nonsense; The Collective, as usual, ignored such assignments. When the due date for the synopsis came along, The Collective came together, decided to write in conjunction, and came up with some sort of vague topic about the domestic violence victims.

Over the course of the next month or so, P would occasionally joke (oh-so-casually) about the topic of their paper...slowly making the thesis more and more radical. P believes that A came, again slowly, to view the paper in a progressively more non-progressive manner.

So everything was functioning as it was supposed to; until last night, when (by unwisely praising the laws of Montana) P was exposed. P had forced A into an argument much more psychotic than initially agreed upon! Suddenly they were taking away benefits from women unless they signed an agreement acknowledging their incompetence and ceding all their rights to the Mormons? What!?!

Despite A's realizations and anger, P believes he may still succeed. After all, A wants to be done with the paper (remember: she hates reading and philosophical ramblings). A wants to be done badly. So the current 65 pages will either have to be re-written by Tuesday AM, or A will sign on to the current version of the paper, including P's radical ramblings.

Fingers crossed that she submits (as women are prone to do); if so, all her left-wing and/or feminist legitimacy will be gone in one fell swoop.

Ha!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

back from the convention

a has returned. what's more, she survived. she survived a lecture on the ways in which red meat kills the rainforest, by the end of which she was ready to buy 27 pounds of beef jerkey (note that a did not previously eat red meat). she also managed to avoid partaking in the americana-puzzle-doing, a task of which she was quite afraid. to her credit, a did come in seventh in the ping pong championship, and earned an honorary liscence in couples psychotherapy. most notably, she was the champion of a cultural (in)sensitivity game in which the goal was to yell free associations. here is an example:

clue: in the city of (insert funny-sounding name here), these arabic peoples....

a: terrorists! dirty bombs! osama bin laden! they hate us because we are free!

meanwhile a is blogging in secret. she thinks that p might be domestic violencing her. he alternates between yelling at her to work and yelling at her to blog, giving her time to do neither and nervousing her greatly...p has returned. a must flee. godspeed.